Day Four: Trauma and TurmoilWe got together and it was all down hill from there. It seemed like everything was fine, but secretly he was cheating on me throughout our whole relationship. I didn't find this out until after he broke up with me, and continued to stringing me along. He ended up moving to a different state and getting his new girlfriend pregnant. Needless to say I cut off all communication with him. Until May 7th, 2017. That day began with a phone call. It was him. We got into a fight about him having cheated on me and every other problem our relationship ever had, or at least it seemed that way. He said all he wanted was a “good” girl. Which considering I had dropped everyone and everything that was important to me during our time together, I found this comment to be particularly irritating. The call ended with me, telling him I didn't care about him anymore (a lie), and that I never wanted to hear from or see him again (another lie). I decided to give into the whole in my heart where my love for him had been physically ripped from my chest. I wanted more than anything to feel the way I felt when our relationship began. So, I picked up the phone to call him, just to check in and make sure he was okay after our fight. It was in that moment that instead I received the phone call that would change my life, forever. He had committed suicide. My world began to spin and everything came crashing down. I didn’t know what to do, and somedays I still don't, he was my first love. Completely losing focus on everything all I could focus on was getting through graduation which, by some odd twist of fate was just a few days away. I had to dig deep inside of myself to simply find the strength to finish high school. The only thing I could do to not burst into tears in those last few days was to just stay off my phone, keep my head down, and pray to God that this was all just some terrible nightmare. During all of this I spiraled into a deep depression, so much so that my family became concerned and wanted me to talk to a professional. In all honesty, I still struggle with this years later. Never getting true closure can really mess with your head. I replay that last conversation over and over in my head. You really never know when the last time you talk to someone will be the last time. That is something I try to remember each and everyday. Make every moment count and cherish the little things. -Anonymous
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Day Three: Baby's First HeartbreakYour know those cheesy baby shower gifts that everyone loves, but they really serve no purpose. Like those cutesy calendars that have little stickers you put on the special days to mark your baby's milestones. I would imagine mine would have read some thing like this: Baby's First Laugh, Baby's First word, and soon there after in BIG block letters I would expect to see Baby's First Heartbreak. Pretty early on in my life I began to notice that the relationship I had with my father was very different from the relationships between the fathers and daughters you see on TV or just walking together in the Walmart parking lot holding hands. I grew up with a father in my life but never a part of it. I couldn’t count on him, I couldn’t go to him for advice... I mean, I can barely hug the man, let alone speak to him. In everything I did, I aimed to be good enough for him, for him to think I was worthy of being a father to. It never happened, and I have finally lost all hope that it ever would. These past couple of months were the hardest of my life. I went into a severe depression and began to flunk all my classes. I had no desire for anything anymore. There was no motivation, nothing to get me out of bed. I had put some serious distance between me and my father for the first time. Subsequently, most of my anger towards him turned into sadness. I was so upset that I never had a real dad. So upset that I miss out on what I hear is a very important relationship in your formative years. After several sessions with a therapist, I am in the process of moving passed it. Still, it hurts to watch a movie where there is this incredible father fighting for his child, or to see a man on the streets holding his daughters hand. It still hurts so much to know that I will never have that. At the same time, I know that I’m happier and healthier without him. I no longer give him the power to hurt me. -Anonymous Day Two: Conquering LoveHeartbreak. Where do I even begin? Relationship heartbreak is by far the most relatable so I suppose I'll start there. From dating someone for 2 years who I thought was the love of my life, to taking time for myself and only dating here and there, to breaking up with a great guy for a really not so great guy, to getting back together with the really great guy and finally feeling ok with were I am in my life. First, I think I've broken me own heart throughout my life more than any of my relationships have. Aside from me breaking my own heart my most devastating heartbreak can from the break up between myself and my previously mentioned boyfriend of 2 years. I mean 2 years is a long time! We made memories and had a lot of good times. In the end we were both just young and dumb and the bad times ended up out weighing the good. I spent so much time fighting to save the relationship that I didn't even realize it had become toxic. If I were to go back to the time I was in that relationship and tell myself where I am now I wouldn't believe it. About a year after the most devastating break up of my life I started dating someone else. The true test of that relationship came when his job took him away for 5 months. I guess the relationship was to new or to fragile. Long story short while he was gone I broke things off and began seeing the aforementioned "not so great guy". While the new guy was fun and all ruining a good thing for what ended up being a fling really wasn't my best move. I guess karma ended up catching up too me because when my job took me away for 5 months my new relationship quickly came to an end. Which was probably for the best because when I got home I was able to get back together with "the good guy". Things have a funny way of working out exactly how they are supposed to. I have no idea what the future has in store for me, but I know that sometimes the heartbreaks are necessary and in the end the love of your life will make their way to you. -Anonymous Day One: No One NoticedI think one of my most memorable heartbreaks came at age 8. After my parent had split and I had to bounce from one of their houses to the other. As terrible as this sounds, this isn't doesn't even rank on my list of major heartbreaks. It only contributed to the big, giant, gut wrenching one. So in this epic parental split they both ended up finding other people to be with. My parents both found new people to share their lives with. However, my Dad found a women with children of her own. Among those children was a significantly older than me, son. Starting to see where I'm going? This immensely charming, relatively responsible, golden child is the protagonist in the story of this, my most epic heartbreak. The story centers around a helpless 8 year old being molested by an otherwise trustworthy step brother. In all seriousness, these stories are a dime a dozen these days so I would bore you with the details. The heartbreak comes from realizing that because the aforementioned step brother was so charming and so respectful and trustworthy he had everyone fooled. No one, to this day has ever questioned anything. Even with all the cryptic comments I make in hopes that someone will ask me about a suspicion they had because the thought of me bringing it up myself makes me physically ill. I've gone through some major phases of hating my parents for this. I mean after all the two people who's sole responsibility it was to keep me safe, happy, and health failed. I'm starting to come to the realization that it wasn't their fault, he was just cunning and deceptive. This isn't to say that my heart still isn't broken at the thought of the fact that my parents were so busy in their new lives to notice my tremendous childhood trauma. -Anonymous I'm back and ready to announce my new 12 days of Christmas series. In my blog thus far, I've produced whimsical musings about my battle with depression and anxiety, offered insightful organization tips, and Laid down some major political fact findings. As I dive further into this blog-isphere I'm beginning to build a little family. All of my followers who have become my dedicated blog readers and visa versa comprise this amazing Wisdom Warriors community. We are all sharing in an emotional journey through the words written here, in my blog. However, we all have our own separate life experiences. We relate on having felt the same emotions through our journeys, yet the path that we've all walked have been so much different. Throughout this process I have been sharing my own personal wisdom that I've gathered through my own life experiences with all of you. This whole community has been built on my readers (aka you guys) connecting with my experiences. It really is such a great feeling, which is partly why I even started doing this. I wanted to feel like I wasn't alone in whatever, seemingly earth shattering occurrence had over taken my life. And I wanted to give that same feeling back to you guys. Now, what you've all been waiting for. The BIG announcement...... This holiday season I've been theorizing ways to bring us all together. Which is why I've decided to bring my 12 days of Christmas series into fruition. This purely ingenious work of art, inspired by some of my closest friends (you know who you are), will be titled "Journals of a broken heart". How this is going to work is I'm going to be asking you, the readers out there from all walks of life, to DM me on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. I want you to share with me different stories from your life in which your heart has been broken. No Names will be put into the blog in the spirit of anonymity. The following week on Monday Dec. 10th- Tuesday Dec.25th each blog post will be part of the series. Each post in those 12 days will be stories submitted by you guys. Again, no names will be added. I want to do this as a way of bringing us all together this holiday season. As a way to give you all a chance for us to offer you encouragement and love. During this process I would love to see comments on the posts supporting the stories that we will all have the pleasure of reading. While these stories might not be easy to share I believe that by writing them into existence they will have the power, not only to help others, but to allow the one to whom the story belongs some form of sympathy or closure. I would love to see this 12 days of Christmas series bring about joy and acceptance. So that we may all have a hand in supplying some peace on earth. XOXO, Hunter |
Hunter FergusonHolding her Associates of Arts in Political Science, Implementing Beneficial Community Project, and having Led a Student Collaboration team at her college of attendance- Hunter chooses to blog about the world around her as well as her personal experiences in hopes of creating a Powerful group of like-minded people. Archives
July 2019
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